Unexpectedly Expecting Whilst On The Road
Tbilisi, March 2024, I paid a visit to a Urologist in a private clinic.
“I’m sure I have a bladder infection, Doctor”, I said. “I’m waking up 3-4 times in the night to go to the toilet”. The service was very thorough so I was straight away given an ultrasound scan to check my bladder and kidneys. What showed on the screen though, was not what I expected…
“Oh, there’s a baby in there!”, exclaimed the friendly ultrasound technician. “Did you not know?!”. The doctor wandered in too and now had an enthusiastic grin on his face, giving me a thumbs up.
No, I certainly did not and it was the last thing I was expecting to hear! She continued delightedly measuring the tiny foetus, telling me it was about 7 weeks and 1 days old. We listened to the heartbeat. I burst into tears.
“Is everything ok?” asked the technician. Someone handed me some water. “I’m fine”, I lied. “It’s just a shock”. It was absolutely a shock. Exactly a year ago that day, we’d fully committed to the idea of not having children – by Steffen having a vasectomy.
The following ten minutes were extremely uncomfortable for me as I tried to keep my emotions under wrap – feeling completely at odds with her obvious joy at my pregnancy.
I’d known my whole life that I didn’t want to have children. Other people’s have never interested me and I just felt like there are enough people already. I had no urge to reproduce. The world is a huge place; there was plenty to keep me busy. Steffen and I had had this discussion early on in our relationship. He supported my wishes and then eventually decided to “finalise” our decision last year. As it turns out, vasectomies aren’t 100% effective…
The friendly technician handed me some paperwork for my bladder (which she eventually gave a cursory glance over) and a print out of the tiny little bean which was my growing baby. “This one is a present from us!”, she said, smiling. She and the doctor both followed me out to watch whilst I told Steffen.
“So, good news – my bladder is fine.” I said. “And… here is our baby!” The doctor and technician were laughing and clapping behind us. Steffen nearly dropped with shock but thankfully with a big smile on his face.
The next few days were emotionally fraught. I’d always taken a lot of precaution against becoming pregnant and thought that, as my mind was so made up, I’d opt for termination in this situation. Except that now it came to it, I just couldn’t bear to think about it.
I spent a lot of time analysing why I had decided I didn’t want children in the first place and realised that most of the reasons didn’t really apply to me anymore. Coming from the UK, I saw how parents struggle with work commitments, the cost of childcare, getting school places and general safety. I don’t like the modern environment that children have to grow up in – distracted parents, handing their children something with a screen on to keep them quiet. Limited time off work and high costs make it seem like most people barely get time to spend with their children (or with their partners). Child-raising in the UK seems mostly packed with stress and inconvenience.
Except we’re not in the UK and we’re lucky enough to be able to choose pretty much anywhere we want to live… Steffen is self-employed and can work very flexibly. Financially we don’t need a second income.
Apart from being blessed with time and abundance, the more I thought about it, the more I realised what an opportunity we could give our child. Both of us have had a lot of life experiences – living, travelling and working in different countries, meeting all kinds of people and learning all manner of random things. We don’t intend to stop travelling frequently and to see the world when you’re young is invaluable. Not to mention that it will be a whole new adventure for us too, and wonderful to experience everything again for the first time through our child.
Deep down though, such decisions are purely emotional. No amount of reasoning as to what my thoughts were would really impact what I decided to do. After seeing this little tiny being that was already growing inside me, knowing it was half me and half my love, hearing even it’s tiny 7 week old heartbeat… I think I already knew I was a mother.
Steffen – of course, amazing as always – told me that he’d support whatever decision I made. I think he already knew too and was totally overjoyed about it. If there’s one thing that travelling together full-time for two years gives you, it’s trust in one another.
So, we decided to give the whole parenting thing a go. None of my closest friends have children yet. Not many other people I know do either! One of our group exclaimed, “I can’t believe that, out of all of us, you’re the one that ended up being first married and having a child!”. It was just so far removed from my previous priorities.
My mum asked me: “Do you actually know anything about babies?” – “No!”, I replied, laughing. I’m sure I’ll learn. The last and only time I was responsible for children, was taking caring of my nephews when I was about 20. I distinctly remember changing a nappy one time and being told I’d put it on backwards… oops.
As to the location, we settled on Greece. Having ended up there not really by choice last year, we feel it is the place we most feel we can settle in. Wonderful, friendly people, great weather, surroundings and food, affordable housing prices and a country that just feels safe and family friendly (like all of the Balkans, to be honest!). Thanks to Steffen’s German passport (and the EU) getting a visa for me isn’t an issue. Time for the new chapter: living somewhere for the first time in 2 years for me and nearly 5 for Steffen… with a baby!
Now we just need to emigrate to Greece, find a house, furniture, car, doctor and midwife, start learning Greek, and buy all the stuff you need for a newborn baby – by November.
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